Which is better?

Dealing with the issues of your child getting older and not making enough progress is a parent's worst nightmare when having a child on the Autism Spectrum. Behavioral issues and everyday tasks get harder to accomplish as your child gets stronger.
I have an aching fear of my son ending up in some home for the rest of his life. Or, if we have him on medication to control him he would live at home until we pass and then end up in the inevitable. Either way, It's not a life. I have been able to work with Eli and teach him things others didn't think he would do. They wanted me to give up on him talking and instead just use picture exchange. Seriously, they said he would never talk.
I didn't give up and didn't let him because I knew he could do it. Lately, I have been researching Autism programs that might be "fast track" because lets face it, Eli doesn't have much time and his stubbornness is proving that it is a matter of time before I feel that window is closed or at least so jammed up you couldn't pry it open.
There is a place in Wichita, KS Called "Heart Spring." They have day and residential programs for children ages 5 and up. I hate the fact of Eli being away from home.... But I have the fact of him being away for the rest of his life when I can no longer physically handle him. There is a jump start program where your child stays for 3-9 months and they are able to have a staff implement a schedule, take over his IEP, And just help get things manageable. I am really thinking about calling because after this summer Eli will be in School. He will be in school, almost 6, wearing diapers, and I can't think about this anymore.
Even worse, He knows he is different and it bothers him. Autism doesn't mean mentally retarded although some children can have a combination diagnosis of that. Eli doesn't. He has failure to thrive and Autism along with a panic disorder. Last week I went to the psychiatrist and just broke down when he asked "who is there to give you breaks and relieve you? Really for the most part unless he gets to go to school for those three hours or I can run errands on the weekend when Michael is home, There is NO ONE.
And yes, so that means no time with just my husband either. Well, that is unless we hire a babysitter... Which we have an amazing one, But we can never afford it. And let's face it, it's really no secret that our marriage is in shambles and we are just tired all the time.
I feel like a blubbering fool throwing all my pent up feelings into a blog post for everyone to read and have their own opinions on. I have not forgotten God and that he may have different plans then what I see, but this is my life and if blogging about it helps me to cope, then who cares what others think.